I Admire Both the Tiger and the Philosopher

Dear Chris,

I agree on the subject of technology. I diligently try to avoid iPods when I am walking someplace, as they are only serving the purpose of distracting us from boredom, which is nothing but the failure of our minds to find beauty in our surroundings. When jogging, I think the iPod is acceptable as there is a focus on physically exerting yourself and that already takes away somewhat from experiencing the surroundings. I still refuse to use an iPod when jogging with a friend, though.

I also find it interesting how enslaved we can become to the internets. While in an airport with wireless, I find myself easily squandering my time obsessing over my fantasy baseball team, on Facebook, or purusing the NYTimes (which is not as much of a waste, but still). It's only miles above the Earth I can spend my free time reading, leadig to introspection, which leads to blogposts :).

A note on beauty in surroundings. I have come to respect and love New Haven much more after joining the Elm Street Cycling Arts and Ideas bike tours. The squalor and dangerousness of New Haven fades somewhat and I realize what a cool city I am in. Perhaps not the safest, but a very pretty city with history. It makes me think of the Decemberists song "Los Angeles, I'm Yours," in which they sing of all that is ugly and wrong in the city, but realizing in the end that they love the city nonetheless.

As far as openness, I am not entirely sure that I can air all my dirty laundry, with all my crushes, jealousies, and crushed hopes that my sinful little soul has experienced. I admire and aspire to your openness, and strive towards it.

So, this echoes a long-time question and excuse: "I'm too busy for a relationship" with or without the crushing addendum "anyway." But, at the same time, it is essentially the honesty with which we should all attempt to experience relationships. My former relationship did end because I no longer wanted to fit my relationship in to my life in the same quantity as I had before. My fear of simply trying to scale in back led to a perhaps then-Draconian response, total breakoff, but, as I have said and will say again, there were deeper problems I realize in hindsight that makes me ok with my actions.

But I don't know if I need object to your maxim of "Get Drunk, and see what happens." I mean, if you are dating someone in which you have an extremely fulfilling relationship, with the only caveat being that you are more slightly physically attracted to this jerk of a person, and you get drunk at a party and hook up with them, thereby destroying your otherwise fulfilling relationship, what does this mean? I feel like this is a good entry situation, but not good once you're there. Either way, though, does it not show a certain callousness for the feelings of others? If someone is really into you, and you're attracted to them, but not emotionally or in the same way, isn't it wrong to be physical and lead them on. I feel like that's what would happen if you were drunk. Or, to say, if I were drunk. But that's not right. Maybe I'm overthinking your maxim.

Because, really, shouldn't we live our lives by the "Be free, and see what happens" maxim? Why do we need alcohol? Or, ideally, shouldn't we not have alcohol. I guess that's what I mean. Hmmm. Tired. Perhaps more later, but must post and go to bed.

Hang in there.

Love,

Alan