Your Blessed Freedom

Dear Chris,

My dear friend. I know you are sorry. I know you will continue to be sorry. Please stop saying so. Tell me if you're not sorry. Otherwise I will just assume you are. I know there were times during the year in which we went over two weeks without really talking. Life got in the way. Life will probably get more and more in the way as the school year begins. No matter. We do what we can, sweat the rest, but are sure to take showers.

It's interesting to hear about the conservative-ness of your humor. I have found that my humor was much liberalized by coming to Yale. I have never felt comfortable with words like "retarded" or jokes regarding disabilities and the like. But I find myself humorously trading in racial stereotypes with my friends, usually around the friends of said races, although I do it with a tad of adhesion. I have had friends mention they do this because they feel that making fun of something or treating it humorously is the best way to take away any power that such rhetoric or comments can have. I am so far unconvinced, personally, as to whether or not this is fact the best. I feel personally I should perhaps try to tone down my humor, but am unsure as to this will really happen as I appear to be in a culture that delights in humourous offensiveness.

As to your blessed freedom from the angst and anxiety of searching for a relationship, I wonder how much of such anxiety is caused by being in an environment where such things are present or standard. I know this past summer was very relaxing and low key, but became less so once one of my friends began pursuing another. While I became invested in his campaign perhaps more than the average friend, I did notice a higher than usual (for that summer) thinking about relationships and their merits. At the same time, I looked with bewilderment and bemusement upon his campaign, thinking it had been a while since I embarked on such an endeavor myself (at least, an endeavor with a remote chance of victory).

At the same time, I marvel at the energy with which he waged his campaign. He reminded me that such a campaign can be a great source of energy and passion that can lead to great improvements, as you yourself mentioned not long ago to the impetus for your achievements.


But returning to my main point, I wonder if part of your blessed freedom stems from the absence of such examples in your current environment. When everyone is single and happy, it seems it would be much easier to be the same than if everyone is coupley happy while you are single.

I write with the dream of your response, and the reassurance that you bear witness to my thoughts.

-Alan