Ends and Beginnings

Dear Alan,

It's been a long time since I've posted to our blog. I'm sorry. When I developed the concept for our blog, I was very sincere in my desire to keep our blog up-to-date, our friendship up-to-par, and my thoughts and emotions in a central location that is not my brain, which has a tendency to distort and misplace. That desire is still very much alive, though it has been eclipsed by my current life up until now and will have to remain as such for probably a good bit longer (leave Beijing Friday, 10 days of intensive teacher training in Hong Kong, then I move to my school and start teaching a few days later). Again, I'm really sorry that I've been a flake, and I feel like I've killed this blog, if not yet, than soon.

That all being said, I don't want it to come to that, so in an attempt at revival, I have a post, albeit a short one (I think...I haven't written it yet).

This summer has seen a lot of change in me. I've become much more conservative in terms of my humor (I reflected on this in a recent post of my own blog). I recently watched the first music video that I posted on my blog, the parody of "Part of Your World." In the video, I show two photos that I pulled from the Internet: one of women in the Chinese army, marching; the other was a Lego rendition of the now-(in)famous photo from Tian'anmen Square, June 1989 (which, though I didn't realize it at the time, had its 20th anniversary this year). Given the change to do it over again, I would not use these images: both are too offensive (I now think) in their own way (especially the latter, which blatantly disregards the lives lost and the moment in whose name they were lost). I also no longer feel comfortable using the word "retarded," and I no longer feel comfortable making jokes involving children in any way, really. A lot of this is regurgitated material from my blog, and I'm sorry for that, but the point is, I've changed. I've changed a fuck-ton. I'm becoming an adult.

Although, I have done some things that are pretty immature (blatantly not preparing for class/tests, going out on weeknights (like, out all night, or a very significant part of it)), but I've learned a lot from it, and I think it'll make me a better teacher: I think that I'll remember what it's like to try to balance books with life, what it's like to grow up...yes, my students' lives are different from the one that I lived, but that doesn't mean that those issues that I experience don't still play a role in their lives, and some are certainly amplified for them in a way that was never so for me (it's difficult for me to imagine being gay in China, for example...actually, come to think of it, it would probably be very similar to Alabama, so maybe not).

Anywho, these have been a few recent reflections. Other than that, I've been putting energy into Chinese (so much Zhongwen!) and pondering my curriculum (which right now may be an off-shoot of the DS concept...I'll explain more after I get through my language program, and have a chance to talk to my teaching partner and the other Fellows a bit more...basically, when I have something a bit more concrete).

In terms of relationships, I haven't really thought about it...for the first time in years (and by years, I mean since I got to Yale, possibly since I hit puberty), I'm simply not thinking about "finding someone." I'm focused on other things, and I'm really happy. The other Fellows are stellar, I'm really enjoying China (also, Chinese food = heavenly), and I'm psyched to teach/learn cello/direct/read/write/you name it. I've also recently discovered that I actually have quite a thing for astronomy and have been reading up on different subjects within the field in my free time. It's been pretty sweet. (I also recently subscribed to NOVA podcasts, as well as a couple NPR podcasts, and it's been lovely, lovely, lovely.)

Anywho, although the next few weeks are especially...um, AHHHH, I have every intention of making this blog a priority from here on out. I think we can work out our differences. Round 2?

Yours, always,

Chris